Success and Failure

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes you make an embarrassing mistake. Sometimes you get asked to do something and later wonder if you should have handled it differently.

I can’t count the number of times Ryan and I have worried about our jobs. One of us will come home feeling like the very next day we could get drop kicked out of our buildings. It’s not that we don’t like our jobs. It’s that we like our jobs so much we are desperately afraid of failing.

I’ve been afraid of failing my whole life. What I’ve come to realize however, is that different people have different definitions of success and failure. Success for some means having a high up job and lots of money so your parents can brag about you to their friends. “Look how successful my child is, they have a Ferrari!” Success for others means following in someone’s footsteps. Taking over for someone they admire because of their deep respect for their work. For others, and I would say for me, success is feeling like your job means something. That somehow because of what you do, someone will be helped.

I crave little notes from our donors about how we’ve helped them. I watch and wait for someone to say something about the difference we are making in the community, and usually I don’t have to wait long. For me, I wish money would go away, and we could live in a Star Trek universe where a desire to do good and better ourselves has replaced our money. How great would that be?

We have restrictions on alcohol, drugs, and guns because they are deemed harmful. We have very few restrictions on money.  Money isn’t harmful. It makes the world go ‘round. At least that is what we tell ourselves.

Failure for some is not having enough money. “Enough” being a relative term based on previously mentioned expectations for success. Failure for others means settling for something they do not enjoy or doing the same thing your family has done for years, just because it was easy.

By American capitalist standards Ryan and I are doing well. We both have jobs, enough money for a two bedroom apartment near the city, and a cute little doggie. Why then do we still have feelings of inadequacy? Why do I lose sleep at night over my future? Maybe it’s societal pressure. Maybe it’s parental pressure. Maybe, just maybe, it’s all in our heads and if we just let it go and make opportunities happen when we need them, then we will be okay, or perhaps even better than okay. Maybe we will be happy.

The very purpose of spirituality is self-discipline. Rather than criticizing others, we should evaluate and criticize ourselves. Ask yourself, what am I doing about my anger, my attachment, my pride, my jealousy? These are the things we should check in our day to day lives.

-Dalai Lama

The very wonderful purpose of Buddhism is to limit attachments, especially material objects, in order to connect more closely with your spiritual self; your true self and essence in this case. The Dalai Lama is the leader of Tibetan Buddhism or “the Diamond vehicle.” For more on Tibetan Buddhism and the difference between it and other forms of Buddhism…I’m imagining you’ll just Wikipedia this, so here are some key words:

Mahayana Buddhism

Theravada Buddhism

Pureland Buddhism (this is weird, but growing, especially in China and Japan)

Until next time.

Keep calm and carry on.